Therapy
This short blog looks at a few ideas for how therapy can be useful. This includes the value of carving out ‘us’ time, the formal commitment, the relationship, and the potentially healing experience of acceptance. Starting by saying that therapy and how it’s experienced is individual, as individual as you are – and, ending with some potential barriers to accessing and experiencing therapy.
Subjective experience
How you experience therapy can vary because of many things. You as an individual, your therapist, their approach, and why you’re choosing to access therapy, are factors. Also, your relationship with your therapist and what’s going on for you at the time can influence your therapy experience.
You’re an individual with your own experiences, views, feelings, and back story. One person might enjoy therapy and find it useful with a particular therapist, another might not. It can be helpful to explore different therapists, and approaches, until you find someone you feel comfortable with. Therapy can be a big financial and/or time commitment, so there’s no harm in taking your time deciding! I’d say that the more comfortable you feel with your therapist, the more you’re likely to find therapy useful, and find support through the therapeutic relationship.
Time for you
There may be a lot going on in your life. You may be struggling to look after yourself, or feel overwhelmed by the roles you have. Your focus might often be on other people. Your role as a student/carer/parent/employee might be your main priority, but this could be tiring and/or stressful. Maybe you’re feeling a bit lost in these roles and other aspects of who you are feel neglected. There might be lots of time for others in your life, but not for yourself. Therapy can offer something reliable and consistent, that’s only for you.
Sometimes people struggle to commit to taking time for themselves. This can feel unavoidable, but maybe we’re so caught up supporting others that we lose focus of our own needs. Accessing private therapy costs, and the terms are usually formally agreed with a contract. With private therapy, you will normally be charged if you cancel or do not attend your session. When attending therapy through the voluntary sector, or an NHS therapy service, you may lose access to the service if you are unable to attend, or cancel often. So, there are both time and financial incentives to attend therapy once you choose to book a session. Therapy being a formal, professional service, might encourage us to commit to the time we want to for ourselves. It can feel alien to put ourselves first, especially if we’re not used to it.
If you’re uncomfortable about commitments which might take a ‘back seat’ because of incorporating therapy into your week, it might be helpful to remember the saying, ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’. If you are tired, emotionally depleted and unable to share about this, you might be unable to show up for people anyway. There are benefits to making time that’s for you and your mental health and wellbeing. The decision and commitment to attend therapy can in itself be a big step towards getting compfortable with prioritising yourself.
Relationships – increased understanding
Through the relationship with the therapist, we can understand more about ourselves, and how we relate to others. What do you find helpful, or unhelpful about your relationship with your therapist? What do you notice about yourself within the session? You would hopefully feel able to express your thoughts and feelings about your relationship with your therapist, and what might you learn about yourself through this relationship? This process can help to increase your understanding of yourself, and also of other relationships in your life.
An example of how the therapy relationship can be useful is, you might notice how it feels to be listened to. Is that different for you – what’s it like to feel heard? During therapy, we are hopefully provided helpful responses to the things we share. Maybe aspects of the therapeutic relationship which feel helpful to us, will alert us to what we’d like more of from other, or future relationships. If we are not usually listened to, accepted, or feel judged, we don’t always realise this until we experience the opposite.
Acceptance
The acceptance, and lack of judgement hopefully experienced in the therapy room can feel healing. In this environment, we might be free to understand and accept ourselves more. We might understand more about what’s going on for us, and how this links with how we feel. Maybe you’ll identify something in your life that you’d like to change, or implement boundaries which could improve how you feel and cope in your daily life. Through discussion and exploring yourself with someone who has your best interests in mind, you might start to feel a bit better. Therapy and the acceptance found there can help us think more clearly, and enable us come to understanding things in a previously unknown way. Therapy might help us ‘bracket off’ what’s bothering us – we might share stuff we haven’t before, and hopefully feel understood and accepted. This process can feel helpful in many ways. Ultimately, it can be easier to support and accept yourself once your own support is in place.
Barriers
Some down sides to therapy can be that despite our best efforts, sometimes there isn’t the time for therapy. Maybe in these cases we might look at text therapy/virtual therapy, or plan changes so we might have enough time in future. Sometimes there’s a long waiting list for NHS therapy, or private therapy isn’t affordable. The approach used by your local NHS service might not feel best for you, for example, you may not want CBT and this is all that’s available. In these cases it can be worth calling charities or looking for support in your local area. Maybe you don’t feel ready for therapy yet. That’s okay – there’s no problem with trying it out and deciding it’s not for you. You can also contact your GP for support and information; if you contact me I’ll signpost you to local services where I can.
Therapy can be hard work, and sometimes talking through current or past experiences is painful and tiring. It’s okay to feel affected by the work you are doing. It might be helpful to share how the work is affecting you with your therapist. Remember that therapy can feel tough, as well as useful, or positive. And try to engage in self-care which works best for you. We’re individuals and there’s no one size fits all when it comes to looking after our mental health.
Pending further BACP/government guidance I’m working primarily on Zoom and phone. Some people find Zoom therapy really useful, but it’s down to what you feel comfortable with.
If you’d like to work with me, feel welcome to ask any questions over email, Facebook messenger, or text. I offer a free phone call if you’d like one prior to making a booking.
